The almost sad ending to a amazing journey

Light fell away. The world I knew grew to resemble death. The finality of life seemed to have formed the entrapping boulders which surrounded me. I opened my mouth gasping for the sweet nectar of life, but instead water filled my lungs. I sealed my mouth, hoping to contain what breath was still imprisoned in lungs. My knee braces flexed from the continual pressure of the water. One hand grasped the boulder to my right, the other fumbled for my spray deck. White froth clouded my vision, but I knew where I was. I assessed the situation. From what light stole into my turquoise eyes, I could see the bleakness of my situation. My boat threatened to succumb to the pressure, sliding underneath the boulder, dragging me with it. One thought settled warmly into my brain, making itself a home where it could watch the impending absence of life. I was going to die. The sieve I was in appeared to by my casket. My final resting place. I had a chance to live if I could get air. I had a chance if I could get the onslaught of water form my noise, my ears, my searing lungs. It seemed a cruel joke now, the entire run of the Nevados styled, and now, on the last drop to die? I was not scared. There was no panic in my movements. Just a realization. What would it be like? To slip under the boulder, to disappear forever? As a child I would always dream about one day packing a bag, and wandering into the woods with more conviction than Thoreau ever had. I would not dwell around a pond in the middle of a neighborhood, but instead make my name the same way as Jeremiah Johnson, Davey Crocket, and Daniel Boone. With gunpowder, determination, and the hunger for freedom. I doubted death would be like the daydreaming of my youth. Less than five seconds had passed in the illusion of time since I had fallen suddenly into the this cavern of destruction. The seconds had felt like years. I thought back to the days leading to this moment. The illusion of lost love, the hours of unnatural speed across oceans, the rain filled clouds swirling from the volcano, the tranquility of life, the realization of a dream. The boof above I timed, hit, and soared. The freedom, peace, focus, until the landing. Then to charge left. Not the line. I though it was the line. It did not seem right, but I had asked if it was so. Could he have possibly been talking about the small drop below? My spray deck popped. Suddenly my kayak stared to shift unpleasantly to the left. I stood up, liberating myself form the onslaught of water in my face. It shifted. Like the clamping of a bear trap upon an suspecting fox, the kayak pinned both my legs against he rock. I squirmed, twisted, ignoring the pain and pressure. I was able to turn one hundred and eighty degrees. I could now see the opening in the casket, the preverbal light and the end of the tunnel. The opening between two rocks. My legs, however, were too trapped to allow for an escape. It then occurred to me that even if I was able to be rescued, they would not be able to free me from the vice like grip of the kayak. I wanted to let the others know I was not dead, with two loud exaltations of help, my words seemed to disappear among the water. It shifted again, I leapt seizing the opportunity. My ankles came free and I landed outside the sieve. A throw bag landed in my hand and I gripped the rope. I was fine. I was alive. My helmet camera had recorded the entire 25 seconds. It does not seem like much time. 25 seconds. Inside of a sieve, fighting for life, it felt like a few years. My friends watched to video back at the cabin. It was the same as watching a car wreck, sickening, but oddly addicting. We stopped at an internet café in Curarrhue. I had a new message from my ex girlfriend. "I miss you" it said. I was unbelievably speechless. Those days before I left were horrible. Those days I had put past my mind. Those days I never wanted to repeat again. I could not say anything back. When I had needed her most, she was not there, and now it was over. I had moved on. I did not want to deal with this today. I did not want to deal with this ever. I wanted to forget the memories and enjoy the moment. Enjoy life. Enjoy Chile. I kayak. Kayaking is I. Never can I see a happy life without it. There are more creeks to be done, more  rivers to be navigated, and more runs to style.