It came though the window, resting warmly upon my shoulders. It had grown warmer, each day seeming to last years more, each moment slowly passing with the gentle ease felt in this captivating valley. He sat next to me, his beard allowing thoughts that he might have endured more time than his thirty years. Breakfast rested newly in my stomach giving my legs no motivation to jostle and disturb the internal peace. Spring was over. Summer had forcefully overtaken the cool days and cold nights, and refurbished the climate with blistering heat. We sat with our backs to the large picnic table which sat noticeably in the corner of the log cabin. He sighed and rested his callused hands upon his knees and cast a glance somewhere in front of my feet.
"Well Joncito, Camp Puesco is ending" his gaze shifted to the side of my head. I looked toward the corner of my vision, an uncomfortable gaze of uncertainty.
"And I don't want you to be completely dependent on me..." he continued his words came with a stalled flow of deep thought on how they should be phrased. "So you now maybe you want to find something else to do with your time here....I am not saying you have to leave, and don't think I am kicking you out or anything, cause I am not.....I am just saying that you should start to make a life for yourself apart from Camp Puesco..." his flow was interrupted by the distant laugh of the others in the cabin.
"Giving your son some fatherly advice?" came the jest of one of the guys washing the breakfast dishes.
"Yeah!" he said, his face quickly allowing a smile to steal his expression. "Get out there boy, and make me proud!"
Three days later I sat in an office. It was cold. She sat across from me dressed in a manner that showed nothing but professionalism. The room was bare except for files, and a certificate hanging in the corner. Void of any small trinket or picture to show a life apart from work. She checked over my paperwork, her eyes moving quickly but methodically. Her questions came suddenly and caused my heart to race, the impression of an interrogation hard to dismiss. I survived the inquiry, I was handed a paper, I was a legal worker in the Republic of Chile.
In the beginning, I was horrible. I stumbled through the foreign words of hunger. I fumbled my way over peoples heads, clumsy hands awkwardly trying not to spill orders. The worry of a contract terminated from my errors stifling my usually charismatic attitude. Two moths have rushed past. The memories they have given swirling in my head. Too many stories to be told, to many moments to be shared, too much change to be realized, and a slight improvement on waiting skills, a minor improvement on bartending abilities.
"How you doing man?" his accented words hit my half asleep ears, my brain furiously working to respond. "I am good, I was wondering if you have space today?" my hopeful words came slurring out. Each day is as though I play slots, pulling the lever hoping the four kayaks come swirling into my eyes, allowing me for a free day kayaking on the Trancura. "Yeah I think so" he says, a friend offering a chance to shoot up, a chance to obtain the fix, to stifle the inner junkie, to feel the current.
My dreams still cause mental exhaustion hard to ignore. I still feel frustration towards those I encounter. I still feel an inner turmoil when thoughts turn to the end, change, love. I still am the person I was, but I know now who I want to be. Who I can be. Who I shall strive to be. The vacation has been over for months now. Working 40hrs a week, kayaking, running, playing guitar, dancing, drinking, and laying in the searing sun on the black sand beaches, has become my life. Writing has become my passion, kayaking has stayed my love, and I still fall for ever girl I see, but as walk home from my favorite bar at 3 in the morning, my steps hardly straight, I smile as I turn onto my street, and close my eyes. Ears fill with the sounds of the night, the drunken Spanish, the yelling of intoxication, the distant rushing of a car, and remember the days of this time last year. I have traveled so far, with ever kilometer, learning something new, feeling more happiness.
This is the last HOLDYOURBREATHANDWAIT for the Summer (Winter if you are in the states) a special thanks to everyone who has impacted my life here.
LJ, Rob and Monica, Rodrigo, Marco, Richard, Todd, Pablo, and all the others friends I have found here.
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